Where does the time go?

Just reviewing my site, and realised it’s nearly 2 years since I did a post! where does the time go?

I’d love to become a professional full-time ‘blogger’ but don’t think I am quite in that league. Although, I will be trying to do some more post, kind of using this as a diary, personal sound board and a place to share my thoughts and feelings with the world. Bearing in mind, to try and not offend or upset anyone.
I would love to hear from anyone, with thoughts, opinions or ideas for my blog. As long as its constructive criticism, compliments or a different perspective/reasonable debate – I’ll very much welcome it :D x

I look forward to the comments and feedback pouring in!!! ;) lol x

best wishes, to the world, and sending out the love, let karma go around and come around :) xxx

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Favorite quotations and my reasons why – no. 1

“Just because I cannot see it, doesn’t mean I can’t believe it!” -Jack Skellington

I like this quote because so many things in this world you can not see, but I believe in, like Love, Faith, Hope, Dreams. The belief gets me through the day and this is why it means alot to me.

“I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.” – Mark Twain

This quote makes me smile, as I can relate to it so well. Some people would say I am indecisive, but I prefer to think of it like Mark Twain :)

“Oh, yes… the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it… or you can learn from it.” – Rafiki in the Lion King

This quote hold true for me, because I’ve too often ran from the past, and am slowly trying to learn to learn from it. I also love the fact that wisdom can be found in many places, even a disney cartoon and broadway musical :) x

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If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you’d better wake up and pay attention

Well, just re-read my last post, and realised how negative it was, I apologise to any reader and to myself. I saw a good saying the other day, ‘think highly of yourself, because the world takes you at your own estimate’ – so I figured I best raise my estimate of myself! :)

okay, so I’m unfit, unemployed, unattached, alot of UN’s! but they’re all things I can turn around and do something about. This downward spiral I am on, I’m going to turn around and head back up. I’m still (relatively) yound ;) I’ve got a fantastic, loving, supportive network of family and friends. And I live in a brilliant place and time, more fortunate than most. Although there is alway room for more in our lives, and a want for bigger and better things. I know I am in the more fortunate half of this world population, and if I do want more, to travel more, to do more, to see more, then it’s down to me to achieve.

Today is a new day, I may not be able to change where I am now, but I can control where I am going and where I end up. As they always say, “Happiness is a journey, not a destination” and this is one fella who’s going to get on this journey :)

So, what’s next? Well top 2 priorities, Fitness/Health and employment. I start at a Doctors appointment tomorrow, to discuss my weight and how to decrease it. Then the Jobcentre on Tueday, to start getting help in finding employment. And onwards and upwards from there.

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Diary of a Has Been

The title is how I am feeling, but ‘a has been what?’ I can imagine some people asking. Which is a good question. I’ve never aspired for fame, so it’s not that, but having just reached 32 I feel like I’ve striven for so much and achieved so little. Example 1, I worked for the same company for 10 years from 2000 to 2010, I walked the line, I was passionate – Colleagues used to joke you could cut me in half and see the name of the company written through out me, like a stick of Rock – but towards the end I realized the company had changed and so had I, meaning a parting of ways, which isn’t and wasn’t a problem – but I do keeping asking myself, what have I got to show for all that?
I was also an active member of Rotaract (a branch of the Rotary International Volunteers Family) so much so, I became the Chairman of Rotaract in Great Britain and Ireland, and I had such high hopes for it all, but ended up leaving that too, when I couldn’t cope! A common thread through out my life – I couldn’t cope!

so these are just a couple of examples of my under achievements, and now, the Summer of 2012 – supposedly a big year here in the UK, I find myself unemployed with little to no future prospect, and on the cliff edge I’ve come to know, called depression.

I know all classical lines of ‘you are surrounded by friends and family, who love you’ and I just think what a disappointment and weight round their necks I must be. And the age old wisdom of Positive thinking, but find it so hard to stick to and too easy to slip right back down to the depths of depression I know, and oddly find secure and easier to exist in. One episode of Ally McBeal summed it up for me, when her secratary Ellan I think her name was, said it’s not easy to smile and takes a lot of effort, or something along those words. I just can’t seem to find the motivation or drive to do that nowadays.
So here I am, 32, unemployed and Broke. Yet I need to remember the positives, I have no debts, I am in fairly okay health, I have no where to go, but UP! so fingers crossed my next post will be a better out look, hey tomorrows another day, and like Annie said, you’re only a day away.

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Read the abbreved version of ‘the Way of F**K it’

a good read and a good philosophy, will write more, when I read the main book and get more up to date with this whole blogging thing.

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